Bob Groeneveld has been sharing his Odd Thoughts with Langley readers for more than four decades.

Bob Groeneveld has been sharing his Odd Thoughts with Langley readers for more than four decades.

Odd Thoughts: Insomniac Mother Nature sending out a wake-up call

The kids have been getting things too hot in the attic and basement, and it’s keeping Mom up nights

By Bob Groeneveld

.

Picture an insomniac Mother Nature in her bathrobe.

It’s about three in the morning, and stuff is buzzing around in her head, making it impossible for her to get to sleep.

She knows one of her kids has been turning up the thermostat on the oil furnace, and it’s been getting uncomfortably warm in parts of the house, especially in the attic and basement, where she keeps the plants and pets that like it a bit cooler.

She knows who’s doing it, but every time she asks, she gets, “Who me? Nope. Not me. I’m not the one raising the temperature.”

Or she gets, “Must be one of your hot flashes. You know that happens sometimes. I can show you graphs and equations. It’s not my fault.”

Or she gets the one that really burns her butt: “Are you feeling hotter? I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s hotter. Do you think it’s hotter? I don’t know where you’re getting that idea. It’s not hotter. Somebody’s lying to you.”

And she thinks, “Yep. Somebody’s lying, alright.”

It’s that dishonesty that really keeps her up nights. She worries about the kids’ future.

It’s like she ranted to her sister Mother Earth the other day, “They don’t get it. You and I will still be here when all is said and done. I mean, the heat won’t shift your plates at all. You’re already radioactive at your core, and let’s face it, they got all the oil and plastic and gunk they leave lying around from you in the first place, so none of this is actually going to affect you. And all it’s going to do to me is change me a bit. I’ll move some of the plants upstairs from the kitchen, and I’ll finally be able to grow some stuff in the basement. Sure, it’ll be a bit rocky for a bit, but a few millennia of evolution, and you won’t even know there was ever a problem.

“We’ll be okay… but they’ll be gone. And, darn it. I’ll miss them. But what can you do? They don’t listen. Especially the old ones. They just don’t get it at all.”

It was that “What can you do?” that had her sitting up this night, a half a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, a wine glass in one hand, the TV remote in the other, all the problems of the biosphere laying siege on her pineal gland and blocking her melatonins.

Sleep was impossible. Again.

And I figure that’s when it happened. She was surfing through the channels when she stumbled on Logan’s Run, an old movie about a society where nobody is allowed to live past 30.

A light bulb – powered by sustainable wind energy and solar panels – came on in her head.

After some sober thought in the morning, Mother Nature figured that 30 was maybe a bit young for a cut-off.

“Maybe 60 or 70 might wake them up,” she mused aloud. “This time.”

#####

In a past life, Bob Groeneveld was editor of the Langley Advance and the Maple Ridge and Pitt Meadows Times. Now he writes when and what he feels like. He has been sharing his Odd Thoughts with readers for more than 40 years. Visit with him on Facebook.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Flip City’s Elise Van Harmelen at the 2017 Langley Invitational at the Langley Events Centre. Flip City is one of 11 local sports groups getting COVID relief funding. (Langley Advance Times files)
Langley sports clubs get COVID relief funding

The province is giving cash to groups hit hard by shutdowns

The first tree – a Sitka spruce – in the second phase of Fort Langley’s Memory Grove was planted on the morning of Thursday, Jan. 21. (Kurt Alberts/Special to the Langley Advance Times)
Second phase of Memory Grove planted at Fort Langley

The first trees started going into the ground on Thursday, Jan. 21

B.C. MInisterial Order 425 and the list of permitted exemptions to wearing face masks in retail businesses and other public spaces. (B.C. Government website)
LETTER: Langley newspaper criticized for doing story on maskless encounter

Local letter writer shares opinion on video of unmasked man in grocery store

Two schools in the Langley School District have reported COVID-19 exposures. (Joti Grewal/Langley Advance Times)
Two Langley schools added to COVID-19 exposure list

Public Health will only contact those who were exposed

Jessica Simpson speaking to Langley Township council as a delegate in 2019. (Township of Langley/Special to the Langley Advance Times)
Health privacy breach claimed by controversial Langley woman

Jessica Simpson is suing Fraser Health over an alleged breach in her health info

Businesses continue to struggle under COVID-19 restrictions as the pandemic reaches the one-year mark. (B.C. government)
Another 564 COVID-19 cases, mass vaccine plan coming Friday

15 more deaths, community cluster declared in Williams Lake

A specialized RCMP team is investigating a suspicious trailer, which might have connections to the illicit drug trade, found abandoned outside a Cache Creek motel. (Photo credit: <em>Journal</em> files)
Police probe U-Haul trailer linked to illicit drugs left outside Cache Creek motel

Hazardous materials found inside believed to be consistent with the production of illicit drugs

Premier John Horgan leaves the podium following his first press conference of the year as he comments on various questions from the media in the Press Gallery at B.C. Legislature in Victoria, B.C., on Monday, January 13, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Chad Hipolito
Interprovincial travel restrictions a no-go, Horgan says after reviewing legal options

The B.C. NDP government sought legal advice as concerns of travel continue

Gem Lake Top, at Big White Ski Resort, seen at Jan. 8. (Big White Ski Resort)
Big White cancels $7.3M in lift tickets, accommodations due to COVID-19 orders

Since November, the ski resort has been forced to make several changes

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

Darlene Curylo scratched a $3M ticket, BCLC’s largest ever scratch and win prize. (BCLC)
Kelowna woman in shock after winning BCLC’s largest-ever instant-ticket prize

Darlene Curylo couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the amount of money she’d won from a scratch ticket

While each person has different reasons for becoming homeless, a UBCO study shows they learn through their interactions with different services to perform ‘as homeless’ based on the expectations of service providers. (Contributed)
Kelowna homeless forced to ‘perform’ for resources, says UBCO study

One participant in the study said ‘It is about looking homeless, but not too homeless’

Gov. Gen. Julie Payette takes the royal salute from the Guard of Honour as she makes her way deliver the the throne speech, Wednesday, September 23, 2020 in Ottawa. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Fred Chartrand
Gov. Gen. Julie Payette resigns, apologizes for ‘tensions’ at Rideau Hall

Payette, who is the Queen’s representative in Canada, has been the governor general since 2017

Grounded WestJet Boeing 737 Max aircraft are shown at the airline’s facilities in Calgary, Alta., Tuesday, May 7, 2019. WestJet will operate the first commercial Boeing 737 Max flight in Canada today since the aircraft was grounded in 2019 following two deadly crashes. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jeff McIntosh
Passengers unfazed as WestJet returns Boeing 737 Max to service on Vancouver flight

After a lengthy review process, Transport Canada cleared the plane to return to Canadian airspace

Most Read